Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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