We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
