I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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