Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
