I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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