she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
