you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
