Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
