I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
