I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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