we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
