my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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