i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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