3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
