I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
