Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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