Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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