these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't turn off my feet"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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