Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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