Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
