it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Come on in and take your pants off
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