I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
