conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
