can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There r osticjed everywhere
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
