Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
