But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
