No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
