I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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