he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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