I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
