I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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