I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
