i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
