Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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