Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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