well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear