When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.