My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?