your parents love me but you hate me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
