he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.