so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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