dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
