I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
