The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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