Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
