CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
