This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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