wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
