i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
