I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
