I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
