I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
