I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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