I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
