White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
