Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
