There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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