this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We left the knife in your bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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