Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
