you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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