I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
