Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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