walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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