i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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