He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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