She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
