bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And then he peed in my hair
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